This morning during Meditation the topic came up to write about suicide. This is not an easy topic to talk about, well it is easy to talk about but maybe it is not so easy to hear, we shall see. Today is the anniversary of my significant other, of nine years, Mark’s death. It is not surprising that this would be a topic of discussion, but it is surprising in that it showed up. All “suicide” stems from one thing. Suicide stems from the belief in the “I” thought. Without an “I” there is no one that would commit suicide. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that “I” don’t know how powerful thoughts can be. Have attempted suicide on a few occasions and do know how dark it can get and how strong a belief can become. So this is not about belittling the power of the mind. Instead let’s shed some LIGHT on it. Let’s take this slowly if we can.
Thoughts of suicide appear when one is paying attention to thoughts and not who they ARE. You are not a thought, if you were, you couldn’t pay attention to it … you would be it. So when someone attempts suicide it is because they have placed all the attention on a “thought” and in turn created it into a belief and then believe the “belief” is true. It is always something about a past or future that cannot be changed but is not let go of. The person imagines something about themselves and/or the circumstance they “think” they are in and see no way out, but how could one, you have to be alive to see it. Suicide wouldn’t exist if everyone would just wait to see what happens, instead of just assuming they know what will happen.
Let’s look at an example of how a “thought” becomes a “belief.” Let’s use warts (heh) as an example. If you have ever had a Plantar’s Wart, you know that it starts out small (like a thought) and then over time it gets harder (like when you keep paying attention to a thought) and then eventually it is so hard that you have to get it cut out or nitrogen to remove it (a belief becomes solidly believed and suicide seems the only option).
So if you can see this … if you can see the thought become solid and believed in, then you also can see that the undoing of the belief is the undoing of Suicide.
One does not have to kill the “I” thought or any thought and killing the body will not kill the “I” thought, because the “I” thought is not the body.
How sucky will it be if you kill the body (thinking it is you) only to come to find out that you weren’t the body and now you are without a body but still *think* you exist. There is a good book on this, it is not the Truth, but it is a good pointer and can be helpful in seeing things from a different perspective. It is called “Stephen Lives.”
It writing is not about killing the “I” thought, it is about beginning to see that it is not real.
Only you can stop paying attention to the thoughts, the quickest way to begin doing this is to look and see who is watching the thoughts.
You can’t be the thought if you are watching the thought, so who is watching?
This will take some practice because you have been watching the thoughts for so long, you believe them to be true.
Look how strong beliefs are; if we didn’t have them, there would be no war, there would be nothing to fight over, if you didn’t believe there was something to fight over. And how do you begin to see that there is nothing to fight over, by beginning to STOP and take a look, honest look around you and see if anything that you believe or are thinking, is actually happening, or are you just “thinking” about it.
If you are just “thinking” about it then it is not real, it is your imagination and you must wait and see what shows up. Stop assuming you know what is going to happen, you don’t.
Begin to start waiting to see what will happen, you might be pleasantly surprised.
If you are having thoughts about suicide and how awful everything is, you may want to at first, get some help with the emotional part of it, that can be assisted by certain medications and am not saying that everyone should be medicated (you actually do not need it … but it can be helpful in the beginning - just to get you to a place where you can begin to see that thoughts are not real).
There are benefits to medication as well as some awful side-effects, so watch yourself, make a plan not to be on them for very long and do the work. Self-investigate. Do this with the question “Who am I?” and write down everything that comes up. If it is something that you can change or alter then it is not who you are, do a process of elimination until there is nothing left (no beliefs about who you are, all that is left is who you Are, without beliefs).
Continue to bring yourself/attention back to the moment you are IN. Not the one you are “thinking” about, the one right in front of your face.