"Speaking"
August 15, 2001
WAYNE: I just finished reading a Student's posts that was sent out last night. This Student is Speaking.
As previously reported and as you know now, the last few weeks for this Student have not been comfortable in the sense of being with the ego/minds ranting and threats. They have gone through some rough times, sleepless nights, sleeping during the day, thoughts about quitting the quest, doubts, everything that comes up when one begins to stop listening to the mind as the primary guide. The big guns that the mind has brought up have been fearful, and yet ... and yet this Student perseveres. I can say confidently that most people I have known who have decided to die to the ego/mind/self have given up long before where this one was at a few days ago. In a sense this Student is on their own. Yes we are here. But sometimes my presence can exacerbate the fear because I will not pander to the ego/mind, meaning that if someone comes to me crying and asking for help I may not provide it, I might turn my back. And to be sure I may embrace them but I know the language of the ego/mind and all it ever does is plead for life. This pleading by the ego/mind brings out the ego/mind in many so-called "teachers" and they pander to it and give it what it wants because their ego/mind wants something to, worship, obedience, money, etc.
This is a racket. The ego/mind will look for another ego/mind to exploit. This is the racket that is going on in this world. It is exploitation and extortion. To willingly give yourself up to the unsentimental arms of a Teacher is no small act of courage.
And yet in spite of all of these goings on, this Student still Speaks. This Student Heard the Voice, the same Voice that I Heard which said in response to my wail, "I do not know what to speak", said, "Speak anyway." It was not until much time had passed that I Knew what was being Spoken to me, Speak from the Heart and not the mind.
If one waits for the mind to be ready to speak there will be no speaking that will point to Truth. The mind will always caution that more time must pass, more studying must take place, more listening to the Teacher must happen. But the Heart is always ready. The Heart can be Heard over the roaring of the mind.
To be sure, this Student may still have some things to go through, I don't know, but I do Know that this Student has more courage than a Gladiator.
Yes there is faltering and getting scared but soon, if the Heart continues to Speak louder than ego/mind/student then anyone who may come upon this one will be blessed. And they will Hear this Student when they say, "All is well" and they will Know it.
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